I've heard the expression; "Its darkest before the dawn." I was never quite sure of that, but I do know from my military and corrections experience that it gets coldest before the dawn. There have been multiple occasions when I was on the graveyard shift and could see the sun light peeking over the horizon only to experience bone chilling cold before the full brightness was visible. That is precisely how I was beginning to feel as I returned home from surgery. I could feel the cold envelope me, warmth and comfort was hard to find for a time. I knew that things get harder when you try to make a change for the better, but had never really felt it personally. Up until this point I had coasted through life as if being in the lazy river, floating along whereever the current took me. Waiting for opportunities to come my way, never paddling or striving for anything better. I was comfortable and comfort really means complacent. I would justify my actions by saying "If I needed to change, God would make it happen." Boy was I right, but not like I ever expected. I was in dire need of a good swift kick to the nether regions, and I got a big one!
The surgery went well, and I was home the evening of the incident. I have patches of numbness throughout my forearm. The doctor said I may never get feeling back in those spots. My pointer, middle, and ring fingers on my right hand are in a constant state of pins and needles as if they were slept on all night and wont wake up. They are also numb on the outer skin. They feel like somebody else's fingers when I touch them. Swelling, dexterity, and range of motion are a constant obsticle, as well as my wrist cannot carry its own weight; it flops about with every movement.
I have always lived by the notion;"Don't ask others to do what you can do your self." I was facing being almost completely dependent upon my wife. She diligently helped me do the most menial tasks ; getting dressed, tying my shoes, bathing, retrieving dropped or forgotten items that I needed, and being my cab driver. It also left her to do all the household chores and cleaning homes on the side for a few much needed dollars. I learned patience and the value of receiving service with gratitude. Cherie and I have experienced a closeness that I doubt we would've achieved with out this accident. (she truly is one of the great women of our time!) Things were getting better even though times were very hard. My children are helping around the house like never before. My mother and Cherie both recommended blogging to get the words out and start healing the emotional scars.
The Lord truly can turn the bad and idiotic things we do to ourselves, into blessings and to help build his kingdom. I am very grateful for that. It is not all sunshine and roses, but i can see the light just at the horizon and can smell the sweet fragrance of peace and love not far off. Since this incident I have quit smoking, and study my scriptures almost daily. I strive to keep the sabbath day holy more so than I ever have before. I am slower to anger and less argumentative. I say this not to boast, but to show what I am willing to do to have His grace with me and my family. I testify that he lives and knows each of us and he weeps with us during our dark times. He also rejoices in our gains, and our personal triumphs. I couldnt have known this joy if not for him and your support, yes you!
Tomorrow I am having a muscle biopsy to determine what is causing the muscle wasting, your prayers are felt and I thank you. More to come after surgery, tune in next time, same Zach time same Zach channel!
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