Dude.... This is nuts.

     Have you ever heard something so unexpected that your I.Q. drops temporarily?  That is exactly how I felt the whole drive home from the appointment.  In my head I kept saying "Dude...this is nuts!"  Luckily I was so shocked that I didn't answer myself, or I may have had a whole different set of problems.  I came home after the drive almost excited because I finally had a direction, an answer to the pain and weakness.  Cherie was not at all excited, she was far from it!  Looking back I can definitely see where my excitement came off as coo coo for coco-puffs.  I had a direction to look toward and even though the outcome may be worse than I was expecting it is better than not knowing.
 
    After some of the surprise wore off, I started researching Muscular Dystrophy, and just try to learn as much as I could about it.  From what I have read, and from what the doctor has suggested, I have FSHMD.  It causes muscle loss in the pectoral muscles, facial muscles, and the muscles that control your shoulder blades.

Blades don't want to stay down anymore.

It also eventually causes problems with walking.  The muscles that control the up and down motion of your foot starts to weaken and then not work.   It comes and goes in spurts, it may not progress much for years, or it can rapidly progress in a matter of months. It is genetic, and can be passed from parent to child, or skip generations.  The only ways to diagnose are muscle biopsy, or genetics testing.  The interesting part of this is usually the facial muscles are the first to weaken.  So far I have not had that happen yet.  It is another reason the diagnosis is so important, to rule out any other disorders that can have similar traits.
   
     Holy Hannah Montana!  That was a lot to take in when I was researching this dystrophy.  I remember being so upset that I may not be able to carry my children again, or give piggy-back rides, or even ride motorcycles with them as they grow.  All of the things I loved about my childhood, and wanted to share with my children was no longer a possibility in my mind.  I couldn't even talk to Cherie or my Mom about it without sobbing and feeling very sorry for myself, and for my children that they wouldn't have my experiences that I had with my dad as a kid.  I love how I was raised and the experiences I had back then and I wanted to give that to my kids.  What can I do now, sit and play video games, and watch TV with them?  Is that what I am destined to do with my life?  Sitting and waiting for my family to finish enjoying a bike ride or hike, watch as my wife carries the heavy grocery items while I carry the chips or bread.  Staying home to watch the kids while Cherie does everything she can to make a buck to support us?  I started to allow myself to sink into a depression, to feel like all was coming to a horrible reality.  The Army vet, wrestler, MMA enthusiast, and active dad was no more.  If that guy is gone, who takes his place?