I just kept pushing everything away in my mind. This isn't real, I am fine. I actually feel fine most of the time don't I? Nothing is wrong with me, I am strong, capable, able, and determined. Nothing is wrong with me. I survived the Army, and being outnumbered 200 to 1 as a corrections officer. Nothing is wrong with me. I climb mountains, and ride motorcycles, and do cool flips on the trampoline. Nothing is wrong with me. I fish, hunt, shoot guns, and love camping. Nothing is wrong with me. I chase snakes down their holes, and play pranks on people. Nothing is wrong with me... If that is true then why does it hurt to sit without upper back support? Why does my shoulder ache so bad that it wakes me from sleep. Why is there constant pain in my pinky finger of my right hand, the same side as my shoulder? Why is it hard to carry backpacks on my shoulders? I am fooling myself. The pain is there to tell me that there is something wrong. What if I took medication? Could I be normal then?
I took every med I could to contain the pain and to appear as normal as possible. I still had a good sized collection of meds from my military days. Hmm, no pain now, but why is it hard to think? All I want to do, or have energy to do is sit and check out of reality. Why cant I think of words, and cant remember my train of thought? Oh no.... I have no pain, but where is my brain. I guess its "No pain, No Brain!" Well phooey! I can't hear my Heavenly Father's whispers. I can't walk through the plant at work without major rest time afterwords. I have to quit my job and focus on my health. I don't know what to do anymore..... How did I get here?
These are the things that I have said to myself and others. I tried to continue like normal with the new circumstances that I now have. It was time to face the music. Time to accept my path and move forward, but how and where was forward? At this time the kids are still in school but only have a few weeks left. I had to quit my job due to stress (which is said to accelerate my condition) and the inability to be on the production floor as much. Cherie was offered a job at the mall, and took it, but it was only part time starting out, with the promise of promotion soon because of her managerial experience. The only thing left to do is get diagnosed!! Things may be OK I guess. It cant get much worse than this. I know there are millions of people in this world that have to go through much tougher, painful, sad, experiences than me. I started to feel a bit better and almost proud that I would be chosen to take on this sort of trial. I can do this and I will do this..... until our insurance was canceled.
I was asked by a medical doctor Nicola Whitehill to purchase Dr Itua herbal medicine for Scleroderma as June is Scleroderma month. It took a lot to go through and remember that I have been through a lot! I have learned a lot about herbal medicines and my fight to have a healthy lifestyle! I have recommended Dr Itua herbal medicines to a lot of people so that they can see that the fight may be hard at times, but it is all worth it! You are worth the fight, so don't ever give up and continue to be your own advocate and you may need to switch doctors to get the best care for your body! Keep your head up and keep moving forward despite the obstacle that you may be on! God only gives you what He can handle, so put your faith, trust, and hope in Him and ask Him to show you the direction in which He wants you to go! By researching and finding what you are putting in or on your body can help tremendously and help you to use Food as Medicine to help heal your gut!
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